Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Do Over

I love the fall, I really do. Apple picking, cider, pumpkins, Halloween and all of the coolness that goes with it. But I don't like September. Never have. Even on the years when there was no "back to school" for me I still have not been won over by this month. Some of my favorite people have been born in September in the realm of sister in law and nieces but I still just can't get into it.

The first few weeks are the hardest. I always feel like I need a "do over" of the summer. It is like a switch is flipped on August 31st and suddenly it's fall, leaves are starting to scatter and the mornings are in the low 50s. How does it happen so fast? I get nostalgic wondering where the 4th of July went and could I have spent any more time at the beach?

It's a bit sad too knowing that each September marks another year closer to Kindergarten for Aimee and eventually Nicole. Unfortunately we're down to one more year. One more year and my little baby will be going to Kindergarten. The public school system, big kids, no more all day mom and kid days (okay well sick days notwithstanding). Sure Nicole will still be with me for a few more years but Aimee is stepping into the big kid section and I just think that life moves too fast. I can't keep up and it's getting to me. I need another month of summer, some more 90 degree days and less school buses on the road. I want a "do over". I want another summer. June was raining and July wasn't a whole lot better. August shaped up nicely. I want a longer August, at least this last summer because really, when next summer rolls around that will really be it and I type this with a mist to my eyes, how will I ever get over it next year?

It's funny. Some things in life you just can't tell people, you really have to experience it on your own. I liken having kids to planning your wedding. You don't really want to listen to people who have been there before you before you have your own. People told me to try to hold on, to remember the little things and I think I have done my lion's share of it. But still, I don't have any more babies, I have little girls. Cute little, dress up wearing, bear hug sharing, light of my life little girls and part of me just can't get over it. The other part still vaguely remembers the sleepless nights of infancy (it's not a far stretch since I still have the world's most terrible sleepers) the breastfeeding and ugh, the pumping. But everything else, it's going too fast. So I am digging in my heels and trying to go slower.