Reflections

Today was an interesting day for me. Today was the start of camp. Camp you may think? What is camp? Camp to me is Camp Fatima EC Week. Google it if you want and see what comes up. For most of the summer it is a camp for young boys but then for this one week during the year, a group of phenomenal people get together and volunteer their time to people of all disabilities. They are treated as exceptional citizens: all activities are centered around their interests and they are catered to by volunteer staff. Camper’s enrollement is entirely free, funded by generous contributions-both large and small from many different people as well as many fundraisers throughout the year. Some campers have minor disabilities and others are ones that require thousands of dollars of equipment just to communicate the most basic needs. The volunteers take their vacations from work or they take time without pay and they go up to Gilmanton Ironworks, New Hampshire where they sleep in what is best described as cabins, sing more songs than you ever thought possible, and connect with some amazing campers and other volunteers. It is a one-on-one camper/counselor ratio so every camper has a counselor. There are also volunteers to cook and serve food, clean the kitchen, run the infirmary, lifeguard at the waterfront, take campers out on a boat across the lake, put the campers up on the horses, run the arts and crafts table and many many more that escape me right now. There are approximately 150 campers both men and women equally matched with 150 counselors plus all the other volunteer areas mentioned above.

But, the volunteers are second only to the parents of these campers. I have seen some amazing parents up there. They do this caretaking for these campers day in and day out with little to no break for campers that are well into their 40s and sometimes 50s. And this is the one week a year that the volunteers take over and give the families a break. I know many of you may be thinking, what is she talking about this for?

Well, 8 years ago I was introduced to camp by a co-worker of mine. I have a younger brother who is Autistic and non-verbal and we had tried for years to get him into this camp we heard so much about. This co-worker suggested I volunteer and that would get my brother into camp no sweat because they really need more counselor volunteers and look favorably on campers whose family volunteers. So I took a week of vacation time and volunteered for a week at Camp Fatima and it forever changed my life. I wish I could explain it to you all, how it is up there, how it makes people feel and how it brings you together with people you otherwise wouldn't have anything in common with. But it's really something you have to experience. It's special and it's amazing. But, since becoming a mother, I have not gone back to camp. It has been 4 years since I was at camp and I miss it. I don't think I will be going back for quite some time since I just can't leave the girls for a week yet, but my brother Chris LOVES it there. It is truly his summer vacation.

I have met some wonderful people at camp too. A group of girls in Cabin 11 who I had a wonderful time getting to know. And you do get to know people when there are 15 of you in a cabin that is about 20 feet by 20 feet. We even had pre-camp meetings to distinguish who would bring papertowels, coolers, games, decorations, etc. But really, it was a chance to get together before the big event. I have met some wonderful guys up there too. I could go on and on about the people up there but really it comes down to how great they all are.

This time, my mother and older brother dropped Chris off at camp and they came home telling me who they saw, who his counselor is and who asked for me. It's funny because my mother asked me just after I had Aimee how I would liken being a mother to being a camp counselor. I thought about it for a bit and realized that being a mother has been very similar to being a counselor. Being a counselor, you are 100 percent responsible for your camper but it is only for the week. You are in charge of showers and being sure that all corners and creases are clean. You are in charge of dressing and putting tags in the back and you are in charge of what goes into their mouths be it food or drink and when they need more and when they have had enough. The first glimpse you get of your camper is an application that the parent filled out back in March that you read the night before the camper arrives. Sometimes they are right on the money and sometimes you wonder who the heck they were talking about because the person you got is nothing like that for good or bad. I can also appreciate the applications more now that I am a mom. I can see why they put in there her favoirite color is red (or purple or blue) when there is a spot for "other comments". It is because those are the first shorts she picks out every morning and it could be a bad day if they are dirty or it is too cold for shorts....It's very similar to dressing Aimee. She picks out her clothes every morning and some of her summer wardrobe that I painstakingly picked out goes unworn in her drawer since she has decided she does not like them. And God forbid you try to put something on Aimee that she doesn't want to wear, it starts the day off all wrong too. Of course the major difference of camp counselor versus mom is that you go home at the end of camp. Being a mom never ends and I mean that in a good way.

So as I sit here reflecting on my past weeks I spent up at camp, I am a bit nostalgic, sad and a bit jealous of all of those that get to go. But I am also thankful. Thankful that I have two beautiful, healthy children. Hopeful too. Hopeful that one day I can go back to camp with my two daughters along with me to experience camp too. Because while I know I will go back to camp at some point, I can't wait to have them with me at Fatima. I also think that being a mom will make me a better counselor because while I have always had the sisterly knowledge of having a special needs person in your life, I can now relate somewhat to how hard it must be for these parents to leave their special children with a complete stranger. I know it's not for everyone and I realize that it's a lot to ask of people, but the experience of it is amazing and I couldn't let the day go by without recognizing it.

Why?

I realize that I have been missing in action for a while and my sincerest apologies as I know when other people's blogs that I enjoy reading go days even weeks without updates I get a bit bummed. But we have been busy around these parts. We made a trip to North Conway to hit Storyland. Though the weather wasn't as nice as we had hoped we did still manage to escape raindrops. Aimee wasn't sure she wanted to go on rides but once we waited in line and finally managed to get on the rides she decided that she instantly wanted to go back on them. So we made it to the flying dutch shoes, the ferris wheel type balloon ride, the antique cars (her personal favorite) and of course the train that takes you all around Storyland. I don't feel as though we saw all of the park. It's not Disneyworld by far but there really is a lot to do. So we had a nice little vacation of 5 days with just the girls and it was a lot of fun.

But we are back now and we came back with a fun new little word....why? To every single question that Aimee asks and I answer, the next word is why? I know that kids go through this and have been a babysitter, cousin, aunt, etc. to many of these questions, but the beauty of those roles is that you can leave the questions after a while. When it is your own child it's not so easy. I am not sure when this phase came into our lives and if she is just being curious or trying to annoy me down to the last nerve of my existence. Either way, it has been a challenging week with the "whys?" as I call them.

Many of them seem to be easily explanable. But many are harder to get into. Like this morning, she wanted to go see daddy but he was in the shower and I told her she had to wait until he was done so of course came "why?" I tried to explain it as best I could because after all, I rarely take a shower alone in the bathroom, she and Nicole are most always in there with me as I take my 90 second morning showers because of the fighting that occurs on the other side of the shower curtain, but that is a post for another day. It was also a hard concept to grasp I am sure because Daddy is often there to help when she has her tubbys. I am not sure I am ready for telling her all the differences between men and women and since there are no boys in our family right now (no, we aren't thinking of adding a third thank you very much...I meant cousins, etc.) she doesn't get the exposure to the differences. So after a while, the why's got to me and I decided to use something a friend suggested and I threw out there and simply responded....because it is an elephant. That actually seemed to work for a bit and we got onto the business of getting dressed and ready for school. Strange huh?

So that is basically it. That is where we have been. Up next for us is yet another trek up North because it was nice to get away. I wouldn't call it a vacation because really when you have kids do you have a vacation? It's really just a change of scenery for a while. Of course we saw all of the scenery because what else can you do when your children wake up at 6AM each morning except start the day with them? Could explain why I am typically ready for bed when I put them down.