Summer where have you gone?

Bad poster I am huh? Well, my excuse is simply that I am trying desperately to get the tail end of summer to last a bit longer. And by the way, did I miss July 4th because I swear it was just May. So in an attempt to enjoy these last few warm days, we have been going to the beach, walking around the neighborhood and generally spending as much time outside as we can. Which puts me away from my computer and my lovely readers (whoever you are...), so my apologies.

The change of seasons is always bittersweet for me. I do like the fall and the winter is fun with the first snow and holidays but still, there is something about summer that makes it my favorite season. Spring for me is the worst. Despite the fact that my birthday falls just after the onset of spring, I still do not like it. It’s a tease. You can have 30 degree days and 80 degree days and monsoons of rain. In fact my mother loves to tell me that the day of my fourth birthday party was so warm we had the party outside in the yard. Take that global warming since it was 1978. But there is something about the end of summer that really bums me out and I can’t really put my finger on what it is. Part of it I am sure is the fact that I will soon have to leave the house with a jacket either on or in hand. Another part is the fact that long ago the meaning of the end of summer vacation meant back to school which when you are in the grades is never a good thing. This year I think it is because my little girl Aimee is going to a real school. Okay, she’s not exactly ready for buses and full days but she is going to preschool and she will be there two mornings a week.

It is the exact same school that I went to for my preschool. It scares the life out of me because it wasn’t long ago that the two of us were navigating this mother-baby relationship, both being rookies at it, and trying to get her to sleep more than 4 hours in a row. In fact the memory of that is still so fresh in my mind that I know she actually slept through the night (and by that I mean midnight to 6AM) at 6 weeks of age because we were down the Cape for a wedding when she did it. And now, here it is at nearly the end of summer and I am perusing the back to school sales for her fall wardrobe. Hell, I even looked up the local ballet and gymnastics schools so that I can figure out our “Schedule” for the fall.

On the other hand, my role as a parent has become even more important to me lately because I can remember my own experience at preschool. Sure it’s hazy but it’s there. I can also remember my dance recitals. Again fuzzy but some parts very clear down to the terrible haircut and pastel tutu. So I am careful of what I do and say to Aimee lately because these are the times she will remember. It’s easy when they are infants and think you can do no wrong, and to an extent that is still true. I am the one who kisses the boo boos and gets the middle of the night cry outs. But I know now based on my own experience that these are the formative years already starting and I in no way want her to lose the fantastic personality she has and her total enthusiasm for most of what we do. Come on, how excited can one get for dentist visits? The pressures of children today are so far reaching, probably further than I imagine. I know that the pressure as a parent to do the right thing is overwhelming at times. And I thought that first night home from the hospital was stressful. Aimee has such a great attitude and loves everyone and part of me wants to keep her next to me so that she never has to get her feelings hurt by the bully at school or the mean girl on the playground. But the other part of me knows that this is all part of the life experience and I can’t deprive her of it. I just hope that she is confident enough to make her own decisions and that she feels loved and safe enough to tell me when she has made her mistakes.

So here’s to the end of the summer. May the weather last until October and the memories of summer 2008 last a lifetime.